Best wrong number ever


[breathy] “Hi!”


“Hiii, Dave! How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you—”

“It’s so good to hear your voice! Whatcha been up to?”

“Not much. …”

“So, what’s up?”

[pause] “I’m sorry, but who is this?”

“This is Lucinda! You know, your cousin Matthew’s friend, remember?”

[pause] “Who?”

“C’mon, don’t give me that!”

“Whose cousin are you again?”

“This is Dave, right? I’m Matthew’s cousin, you know, Matty?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have a cousin Matthew.”

“No, seriously.”

“You know, I think this is the best wrong number I’ve had in a long time.”

“You’re Dave, right? I’m Lucinda, you know, Lucy? Remember how I used to call you Dee and we would play in the park and run in the sprinklers?”

“Nope, not me.”

“Come on. Don’t you like hotties all dressed in leather who like to smack you with their titties?”

“I’m sure I would, but you definitely have the wrong guy—!”

“I really want to get with you.”